The hidden cost of motivating and leading others: A balancing act, between giving and self-care
This one is for motivational speakers, healthcare professionals, leaders, influencers, life coaches, and (dare I say parents) alike, the journey to empower others can be as challenging as it is rewarding. Every day, you pour your heart into helping people rise, recover, or reach their potential. But beneath that selfless service, an uncomfortable question often lingers: What is the cost of helping others, and will I ever truly reach my own potential?
This tension—the delicate balance between giving and preserving yourself—is the lived experience of the “wounded healer.” It’s a story many of us share but rarely speak of. If you’ve felt it, you’re not alone. And there is a way forward.
The Hero’s Journey: When they give you a spotlight, shine it back on them.
In business, it’s tempting to see yourself as the hero—the one with the answers. But the truth is, your team, peers, children or clients are the real heroes of the story (mine certainly are!). They’re the ones embarking on the journey of transformation. You’re the guide, walking beside them with wisdom and tools to help them succeed.
Take this familiar scene: a client walks into your care weighed down by doubt, fear, or uncertainty. They’re stuck in a cycle they can’t break. But with your support, they find clarity, courage, and the strength to change. That’s the magic you bring.
But here's the thing—if your own well is running dry, how can you truly show up for them?
The Cost of Helping Without Healing
When we, as helpers, neglect our own needs, the consequences are real:
Burnout: Giving until there’s nothing left.
Stagnation: Feeling stuck in your own growth while helping others thrive.
Doubt: Wondering if your work is truly sustainable or fulfilling.
At the same time, the questions in your head may sound like this:
Do I have what it takes to get my message as far out there as I can?
Is this worth all the energy and effort I’m putting in?
If you’ve been here, you’re not alone. But this moment doesn’t have to define you.
Tips for Sustainable Practices
So, how do you create a life that serves both you and those around you?
Prioritise Rest: Healing happens in stillness. Block out time for rest, even if you’re an around-the-clock influencer or a booked-out motivational speaker. Day blocking can help protect your time and energy.
Dose Up on Self-Care: Self-care looks different for everyone. Maybe it’s a walk, a surf, a morning coffee, or simply saying “no” more often. Whatever it is, make it a daily ritual.
Start Small—Right Now: One of the simplest ways to ground yourself is to wash your hands mindfully through-out the day.
Press a small amount of soap into your palms. Notice its scent.
Rub your hands together and really feel the texture, and your hands connect.
Bring your hands to your nose—how does it smell?
Notice your shoulders. Can you release some tension as the water rinses over your skin? Do you feel your feet connecting with the ground?
Breathe. Check in with yourself.
This small act of mindfulness can anchor you in the present and create space for clarity.
Engage Your Senses Daily: Once you’ve mastered this, bring mindfulness into other moments. Smell your coffee or tea before adding water. Stop to notice the textures of flowers or the feathers of a bird on your walk.
These simple, intentional acts allow you to slow down, catch yourself when you’re spiralling, and remember: There is time for you. You deserve it.
Trust Your Team, Direct Reports, Children or Clients as Experts: In some roles, especially as a coach or manager (and I can only imagine parent!), you don’t have to give all the answers. Instead of feeling the pressure to solve a problem, ask them right back, "What have you thought of?" or "What do you think is a good next step?" This empowers them to see that they already have the answers within themselves. By trusting those who come to you, as the experts in their own lives, you take the the pressure off of knowing what decision someone else should make. And they are 1000% more likely to follow through with the actions they created, as they were designed with autonomy. It’s a powerful way to both trust and empower others while reducing the emotional strain (a.k.a mental load) on you.
How Coaching Helps You Reclaim Your Story
This is where coaching comes in. When you’re the one doing the giving, it’s easy to lose perspective on your own growth. A skilled coach helps you rediscover your purpose, protect your energy, and build a sustainable, fulfilling life.
If you’re a healer, a dreamer, or someone determined to make the world a better place, you can have both: a thriving way of operating at work and a balanced life you love.
Ready to Take the First Step?
If this resonates with you, I’d love to help you create a sustainable, meaningful ways of working or flowing through life. Together, we’ll work to uncover the clarity and courage you need to reach your own potential while empowering others.
I’m Jilly, a Melbourne-based life coach with a passion for helping healers and changemakers thrive. Let’s have a chat about what’s holding you back and how we can move you forward.
Book your free intro call today and take the first step toward healing and growth. It’s time to stop wondering if you’ll ever reach your potential and start living into it.
Let’s write your next chapter together.
